How to Win an Election

April 8, 2022

How to Win an Election

by Quintus Tullius Cicero

I recently discovered The Thinking Fellows podcast. In the episode Why You Should Read Old Books (from 3/22/22), they mentioned a couple of books by Quintus and Marcus Cicero, brothers who lived in the first century BC.

When Marcus was running for Roman consul in 63 BC, Quintus wrote him a long letter which is now published as “How to Win an Election.” Here are some things I noted:

The intro strikes the tone of the whole book. This is a brother giving advice that he wasn't asked for, and he puts it this way: "It's not that you need my advice, but such affairs can seem so chaotic that it's sometimes best to lay things out in one place in a logical order."
He advises morning meditations. "Always remember what city this is, what office it is you seek, and who you are. Every day as you go down to the Forum, you should say to yourself, 'I am an outsider. I want to be a consul. This is Rome." In modern terms, keep your head in the game and your eye on the prize.
Some of the advice sounds a little scummy. "You must diligently cultivate relationships with men of privilege." "Work to get young men from noble families on your side." But the advice is not without honor. Befriending the nobility was essential if Marcus wanted to win. He was not noble, and though he was respected by the people (and had won their support even more by supporting Pompey), he needed support from the nobility to win. And if he were elected consul, he and his descendants would be considered nobility.

My favorite part of the book, starting on page 17, is the description of his opponent Cataline. Quintus is recounting what a depraved man Cataline is: "The scoundrel chased Marcus Marius through the streets to a tomb, where he tortured him with every cruelty. Then, still alive, he grabbed him by the hair with his left hand and decapitated him with his right and carried the head away with blood dripping between his fingers. Cataline afterwards was a friend of actors—can you imagine?—and gladiators."

(I love how decapitating someone is a run-of-the-mill atrocity, but being a friend of actors beggars belief.)

"...He was so impudent, so wicked, so skilled in his licentiousness that he molested young boys almost in the laps of their parents." I guess not much has changed among those who are friends of actors!

"Your competitors won't trouble themselves to develop friends with these sorts of people (small-town men and country folk)." (47) This reminds me of LBJ driving out to every little farm in Texas to campaign, meet with people, etc. in his early career.

"Work every day to recall names and faces." (61)

"You desperately need to learn the art of flattery—a disgraceful thing in normal life but essentail when you are running for office."

"Don't leave Rome! There is no time for vacations during a campaign." (63; Dukakis should have read this!)

"People are moved more by appearances than reality, though I realize this course is difficult for someone like you who is a follower of the philosopher Plato." (69; another reference to the cave! It keeps coming up. See AMORALMAN)

"You don't have to actually bring your opponents to trial on corruption charges, just let them know that you are willing to do so." (83; "Lock her up! Lock her up!")

Marcus wrote a book (which I learned about from the same Thinking Fellows episode) called How to Grow Old. I haven't read it yet, but now that I've learned what happened to him in his old age, I'm not sure if I should take his advice. "Quintus and his brother Marcus were murdered as the republic itself died and the Roman Empire rose in its place." (88)