How to Win an Election
April 8, 2022
How to Win an Election
by Quintus Tullius Cicero
I recently discovered The Thinking Fellows podcast. In the episode Why You Should Read Old Books (from 3/22/22), they mentioned a couple of books by Quintus and Marcus Cicero, brothers who lived in the first century BC.
When Marcus was running for Roman consul in 63 BC, Quintus wrote him a long letter which is now published as “How to Win an Election.” Here are some things I noted:
My favorite part of the book, starting on page 17, is the description of his opponent Cataline. Quintus is recounting what a depraved man Cataline is: "The scoundrel chased Marcus Marius through the streets to a tomb, where he tortured him with every cruelty. Then, still alive, he grabbed him by the hair with his left hand and decapitated him with his right and carried the head away with blood dripping between his fingers. Cataline afterwards was a friend of actors—can you imagine?—and gladiators."
(I love how decapitating someone is a run-of-the-mill atrocity, but being a friend of actors beggars belief.)
"...He was so impudent, so wicked, so skilled in his licentiousness that he molested young boys almost in the laps of their parents." I guess not much has changed among those who are friends of actors!
"Work every day to recall names and faces." (61)
"You desperately need to learn the art of flattery—a disgraceful thing in normal life but essentail when you are running for office."
"Don't leave Rome! There is no time for vacations during a campaign." (63; Dukakis should have read this!)
"People are moved more by appearances than reality, though I realize this course is difficult for someone like you who is a follower of the philosopher Plato." (69; another reference to the cave! It keeps coming up. See AMORALMAN)
"You don't have to actually bring your opponents to trial on corruption charges, just let them know that you are willing to do so." (83; "Lock her up! Lock her up!")